Not going to lie, this will be difficult for me to get this across. I will do my best.

I basically am at a weird point where I feel like I don’t want to bother anyone but then again I want to bother everyone I love and care about so much, but… I don’t want to be annoying and needy. Sometimes people mistake my bugging them with like a case of obsession or being super needy.  I am 100% convinced I am going to die alone. Legit convinced no one is going to be able to handle the fact that I talk… A LOT. I just love talking to people and talking. That’s why if I ain’t on my phone talking to someone, texting someone, messaging someone, I am talking out loud. Has anyone else ever felt like this? I’m sure but every time I try and talk about that, everyone’s like “No you’re good” but then turns around and starts acting all weird and standoffish. It’s a confusing world we live in y’all. I honestly hope this feeling goes away and I grow to learn to stop talking to everyone on my contact list (not really, I’m just being dramatic) and be at peace with not talking, and just leave everything be. Maybe some day I’ll get to that point and I hope that someday is someday soon. I want to stop feeling insecure but secure at the same time which makes me feel even more insecure. It’s been a very confusing few months for me to be honest. Especially ever since I’ve started talking to Flynn. This has never happened to me and it’s quite annoying to be honest, not him… No. Just how secure and insecure I feel at the same time. I want to bug the crap out of him, but then… I don’t want to bug the crap out of him. I’m still trying to figure him out, and figure myself out in this whole thing because I haven’t let myself fully like someone this much, like ever. Which also brings up a lot of other things. It’s different for me to be and act like this, like I’m a girl yes I get boy crazy, but no, this is something completely different for me. Uncharted territory for me, that’s for sure. All I ask is for patience, understanding and honesty. I’m honestly a little scared because I’ve grown to like him a lot… Which is odd for me, and I have a lot riding on this. Yes, life is about taking risks and risks can end with rejection, hurt, pain & heartbreak, but man, the feeling that comes with this specific type of risk, if I gotta hurt, give me hurt. Give me pain. Yes I hope I grow in this but, I wouldn’t trade my caring for him for anything. Bring it.


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